last first day

As I lay in bed the night before my last first day of school (ever), I reflect on my life’s path throughout the past 3 years. I feel happiness for where I am now and feel lots of hope for my upcoming career. I have worked incredibly hard and am grateful for my strong work ethic that has led me to many well deserved blessings. But, I would be lying if I didn’t express my regrets of the past three years.

For the past three years, I have been trying to survive. Losing my best friend right before college sucked. I have been grieving her absence and consistently confronting my loneliness. My heart felt stuck in remembrance of a better life with her, while my surroundings begged me to focus on my future.

I feel regret in that there are things I could have done over the past three years in school that I just did not do. I could have gone to more parties. I could have gone to more school events. I could have auditioned for the plays and musicals. I could have met more people. I could have gone to the school gym and pool more. I could have, I could have, I could have.

I am learning that I cannot hold a grudge against my past self for just trying to live. I didn’t try out for a play because I was busy crying in my dorm room and face timing my mom. I didn’t go to the gym because I felt too mentally weak to be physically strong. I didn’t go to more parties because I felt there would be no one to walk me home.

I am in a better place now. I am still lonely, but loneliness is something I can come to terms with. I have a very healthy relationship with my boyfriend, my parents, and a few great close friends. I am healing rapidly, and becoming a woman I adore.

I want to love my senior year and do as much as I can- and at the same time, I want to accept my loneliness and learn how I can help myself through it. I want to go to a party because it could be fun, but it is okay if I leave early. I want to go to the gym because I could meet some friends. I want to go to more school events because the connections and friendships could benefit my career. Below is a bucket list of things I want to accomplish my senior year:

• volunteer or attend the scad film festival

• relaunch the sunshine project

• throw a halloween party

• participate in a scad-pro project

• have a barbie party and invite all my new friends :)

• film a proof-of-concept for one of my feature films

• go out for coffee with a new friend

• go out for coffee with an old friend

• the sidewalk chalk festival

• write a children's book

• complete the scad-amp activities for my degree

• pitch a project at the ATV festival in ATL!

I can't wait to jump into this school year and keep you all updated on my successes and special moments. Look out for an upcoming post about the amazing opportunities I have been presented with for this upcoming quarter!

I love you,

Francesca Petrino